Communication that improves relationships

Communication can be said to be a two-way process of reaching mutual understanding, in which participants not only exchange information, ideas or feelings but also create and share meaning.

Relationships don’t exist in a vacuum. They exist between two emotional human beings who bring their own past experiences, history, and expectations into it. Two different people also have different levels of skill when it comes to communication. But better communication can be learned because it is a skill.

Communication either makes or breaks most relationships. You can improve your relationship today, right now, by putting into practice some of these tips for improving the communication in your relationship.

Be open and honest with your partner. Being open means talking about things you may have never talked about with another human being before in your life. It means being vulnerable and honest with your partner, completely. It means opening yourself up to possible hurt and disappointment. But it also means opening yourself up to the full potential of all a relationship can be. Sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s the key to a healthy relationship. Admit that you aren’t always perfect and apologize when you make a mistake instead of making excuses. You will feel better and it will help strengthen your relationship.

Pay attention to nonverbal signals. Most of our communication with one another in any relationship isn’t what we say, but how we say it. Nonverbal communication is your body language, the tone of your voice, its inflection, eye contact, and how far away you are when you talk to someone else. Learning to communicate better means that you need to learn how to read these signals as well as hear what the other person is saying. Reading your partner’s nonverbal signals takes time and patience, but the more you do it, the more accustomed you will be to what they’re really saying.

Stop and listen. Listening is a very important part of effective communication. A good listener can encourage their partners to talk openly and honestly. Tips for good listening includes showing genuine attention and interests, keeping genuine eye contact, leaning towards your partner to show genuine interest and concern and always ask for feedback from your partners.

Make your message clear. No matter how well you know and love each other, you cannot read your partner’s mind. We need to communicate clearly to avoid misunderstandings that may cause hurt, anger or confusion. Avoid talking about serious matters or issues in writing. Text messages, letters and emails can be misinterpreted. Talk in person so there aren’t any unnecessary miscommunications. When you talk to your partner, try to: Think about what you want to say and what you are feeling when you said it. Be clear about your message so that your partner hears it accurately and understands what you mean. Share positive feelings with your partner, such as what you appreciate and admire about them, and how important they are to you.

Stay focused. Sometimes discussions turn into arguments. To be respectful of one another and the relationship, try and keep the arguments focused to the topic at hand. 

Find the right time. If something is bothering you and you would like to have a serious conversation about it, make sure you pick the right time to talk. Don’t interrupt your partner when they’re watching a sports game, TV show, about to go to sleep or stressed about an upcoming test or event. Tell your partner you would like to talk later and find a time when you’re in the same room and not doing anything important. Don’t start serious conversations in public places unless you feel safe.

If your partner does something that makes you angry, you need to tell them about it. But you don’t have to do so right away. Remember your partner can’t read your mind. If you don’t speak up when you’re upset, there is no way for them to apologize or change. Once you do mention your hurt feelings and your partner sincerely apologies, let it go. Don’t bring up past issues if they’re not relevant.

It’s okay to get angry in a relationship. Everyone does at some point! What’s important is that you resolve fight in a healthy way. If you get angry with your partner, here are a few steps to take:

1.      Stop, take a step back and breathe. Give yourself time to calm down.

2.      Think about the situation and why you got so angry after you’re no longer upset.

3.      Talk to your partner and when you do, follow the tips above.

4.      Listen to what they have to say after you tell your partner how you feel. You both deserve the opportunity to express how you feel in a safe and healthy environment.

Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each others perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments. We can all learn how to improve the way we communicate.