Relationship: Get over your fears

Fear is a feeling that often ruins our lives. Whether it is fear of commitment, rejection, failure, death or any other phobia, it tends to keep us from living our lives to the fullest. Fear can be handled rationally and can be controlled if you are willing to work on it and are motivated enough in controlling it, instead of it controlling you.

Many arguments between couples have fear at the heart. Whether it’s fear of abandonment, fear of being rejected, or a fear of falling apart. By managing your fears, you can begin to calm the storm that has begun in your relationship and heal the wounds.

The first thing you need to do is acknowledging what the fear really is.  It could be fear of falling apart, fear of rejection, fear of not being understood, fear of being judged, fear of being alone, fear of loss, fear of change, fear of aging, fear of being overwhelmed, fear of your needs being ignored, fear of boredom, fear of lack of control, fear of failure, and fear of helplessness.

Once you are fully aware of what your fear is, work on figuring out where it comes from. Most of the time, people are aware of their fears, but never really gets to know them. Set up a time when you can sit down and have an interview with your fear. What is your fear and where does it come from, and why do you fear it? Are you scared of your finances spiraling out of control? When you are angry because your spouse comes home late, are you afraid that you’re growing apart or that there is infidelity? These are questions that must be provided with answers in order to better understand your fear, so that you can start brainstorming about methods that will work best for you.  Name the real fear in your relationship so that you don’t get caught up in a fight that won’t really resolve the actual issue at hand.

Now that you know what you are afraid of, share your fears with your partner.  You need to let your spouse in on the fear so he or she can recognize when it creeps up and understand where you’re coming from. For example, say “I’m afraid that you’re spending more time with your friends than you do with me, and we’re growing apart,” instead of “Why don’t you always have my time?” say “I am feeling afraid of a loss of control of our finances” instead of “You always have to be the boss with our money”. When you put your partner in a position to be defensive, they may not react in a supportive way to your fears.

Finally, keep your fear within boundaries. Don’t let a fear about being abandoned turn into you jealously searching through your partner’s phone and demanding to know where he is all the time. Also keep in mind that any discussions about the fear should be kept to a healthy time limit. If one partner gets burned out on the topic, decide a future time where you will finish the conversation. Instead of letting your fear grow and spiral, set practical guidelines for how you will handle your fears as a couple. Look back at all the experiences that helped build this fear. Decide which behavior will replace the ones currently guided by your fears. No one is the same and no relationship is perfect. Admitting to this fact will help you understand that running away is not the answer, but what you really need to do is face and accept the imperfection in your relationships and work on ways to better the challenging situations.

Goal setting your relationship

Goals are relationships necessity. When you consider what your relationship needs, consider the laws of gravity. An object that is set in motion will continue to move, unless something stands in its way. On the flip side, a motionless object will never move unless something acts upon it. Your relationship will remain inert unless you act on it and keep it in motion. And, just as day-to-day goals keep you moving from one task to the next, setting goals for your relationship will infuse your relationship with that vital momentum.

Once you have past that first stage of dating and falling in love you both start focusing on the goals you each have for the relationship, such as where you want it to lead and what your relationships beliefs are. One of the main reasons many partners break up is because they never shared their relationship goals with each other. Most people just let the relationship do its own work and flow naturally, and while that is okay in some cases, it is very important to keep in touch with what each of you is planning for the relationship.

What really are your goals for the relationship? Though you can never predict what will really happen in the future of the relationship, you do already have

an idea of what you wish to give and receive from this relationship. It is important that you fully understand what your goals are first before having this talk with your partner. Are you looking for a serious partner or just someone you can spend time with so you are not lonely? Would you like the relationship to eventually lead to marriage or is marriage not the most important goal for you at this time? When you figure out exactly what your goals are in the relationship you will then need to learn why those goals are so important for you right now. You need to understand your reasons for your goals and make sure you are setting those goals for the right reasons.

Plan ways on how you can both accomplish each of your relationship goals and talk about which methods you both feel will work best. Goals can change over time too, which is exactly why you and your partner should touch base on each of your thoughts so you never reach a point where the relationship feels lost and confusing for one or both of you. When you and your partner work together to create goals that improve or maintain the health of your relationship, you also create an atmosphere of companionship. Relationship goals will help you and your partner remain focused whenever the relationship goes through the difficult transitions that all unions experience. These goals can also act as the antidote to the stagnation and lethargy that can creep into any marriage over time.

If there are differences in the goals you both have, you then need find a compromise you both feel is fair to the relationship. You must ensure that the individual and partners goals are in alignment. This alignment is critical for creating harmony and allowing you both to reach your dreams. Once that alignment is secure there is no limit to how much you can accomplish together Not having the same exact relationship goals does not mean that you are not meant to be together, but it does mean that more communication is necessary so you can always keep track of where your relationship is leading and if it is lacking anything that it needs. Though it is important to understand your partner's goals, it is more important to keep in touch what you really want and need from the relationship. Partner's can change and there is nothing you can do to change him or her unless they choose to, so the power you do have in holding on to the dreams you have for yourself and never lower your expectations in a relationship just because you want to stay with your partner. Neither of you should have to lower your expectation for the other; you should always work together in keeping the relationship on track. With direct communication and good goal setting, your relationship can continuously lead to stronger and more fulfilling stages that please you both. Create an arrangement that helps both of you stay accountable to the commitments you have made to each other. This is a sacred bond.

Working towards your relationship goals means working to become a better partner to your mate. Do not establish goals for your partner! Focus on establishing your own goals, your partner should focus on his/her goals, and the two of you can create joint goals (e.g., traveling more, spending more time socializing with other couples, sharing household tasks etc). Make sure that the goals both of you strive for make you feel good about yourselves. You can't achieve something that goes against your values. Sharing how your goals as partners can benefit others as well as yourselves is a powerful and bonding experience.

Establishing relationship goals does not have to be a complicated process. Make sure your goals are specific, attainable and realistic. As a matter of fact, the simpler and more straightforward the goal, the better. The biggest challenge you’ll face is remaining consistent in your efforts toward reaching your goals. Write down and review your goals, and if you're comfortable, post them somewhere where you can see them every day.

Remember that everything you do together has more than twice as much power as what you do alone. Creating goals as partners is not only healthy for your relationship, but should be fun as well. Be sure to replace your accomplished dreams and goals with new ones. It really a secret to happiness.

Lassa Fever: What you should know

Lassa disease was first described in the 1950s but the virus was not identified until 1969 when two missionary nurses died from it in the town of Lassa, Borno state, Nigeria.  The virus is a single-stranded RNA virus belonging to the virus family Arenaviridae. Lassa fever is an acute viral hemorrhagic illness of 1-4 weeks duration that occurs in West Africa.
Lassa fever is a zoonotic disease, meaning that humans become infected from contact with infected animals. The host of Lassa virus is a rodent of the genus Mastomys, commonly known as the “multimammate rat.” Mastomys rats infected with Lassa virus do not become ill, but they can shed the virus in their urine and faeces and live in homes and areas where food is stored. 
The disease can be contacted by ingestion of foods and drinks contaminated by the saliva, urine and faeces of infected rats. Others include catching and preparing infected rats as food, inhaling tiny particles in the air contaminated with infected rat urine or droppings, and direct contact with a sick person’s blood or body fluids, through mucous membranes, like eyes, nose, or mouth particularly in hospitals lacking adequate infection prevent and control measures. There is no epidemiological evidence supporting airborne spread between humans.
Lassa fever occurs in all age groups and both sexes. Persons at greatest risk are those living in rural areas where Mastomys are usually found, especially in communities with poor sanitation or crowded living conditions. Health workers are at risk if caring for Lassa fever patients in the absence of proper barrier nursing and infection control practices. Families and friends of an infected person, in the course of feeding, holding and caring for them are also at risk.
About 80% of people who become infected with Lassa virus have no symptoms. One in five infections results in severe disease, where the virus affects several organs such as the liver, spleen and kidneys.
The incubation period of Lassa fever ranges from 6-21 days. Within three weeks of coming in contact with the virus, symptoms include fever, headache, chills, diarrhoea, cough, nausea, vomiting, sore throat, abdominal pain, backache, and joint pains. Late symptoms include bleeding from the eyes, ears and nose, bleeding from the mouth and rectum, low blood pressure, eye swelling, swelling of the genitals and rashes all over the body that often contain blood.  Protein may be noted in the urine. It could progress to coma, shock and death. Lassa fever is suspected in persons who present with above symptoms with a positive history of being in contact with a suspected or infected person or health worker who had treated either suspected or confirmed infected person. Deafness occurs in 25% of patients who survive the disease. In half of these cases, hearing returns partially after 1-3 months. Transient hair loss and gait disturbance may occur during recovery.
Death usually occurs within 14 days of onset in fatal cases. The disease is especially severe late in pregnancy, with maternal death and/or fetal loss occurring in greater than 80% of cases during the third trimester.
Antiviral drugs can successfully treat Lassa fever. The earlier a person presents, the better the outcome of treatment.
The general public is advised to take note of the following for prevention and control:
1. Avoid contact between rats and human beings.
2. Observe good personal hygiene including hand washing with soap and running water regularly
3. Dispose of your waste properly and clean the environment so that rats are not attracted
4. Store foods in rat proof containers and cook all foods thoroughly before eating.
5. Discourage rodents from entering the house by blocking all possible entry points.
6. Food manufacturers and handlers should not spread food where rats can have access to it.
7. Report any cases of above symptoms or persistent high fever not responding to standard treatment for malaria and typhoid fever to the nearest health centre.
8. All fluids from an infected person are extremely dangerous. Health workers are also advised to be at alert, wear personal protective equipment and observe universal basic precautions.
Early supportive care with rehydration and symptomatic treatment improves survival.
Because the clinical course of the disease is so variable, detection of the disease in affected patients has been difficult. However, when presence of the disease is confirmed in a community, prompt isolation of affected patients, good infection protection and control practices and rigorous contact tracing can stop outbreaks.

Building the perfect bond in your relationship

Relationship bond is when two people have connection based on kinship, marriage or common interest. Besides the fact that you have love and care between you, you also need to see whether or not the two of you are friends. Is it possible to be friends?  As a matter of fact, it is a must if the two of you are going to build a lasting bond.
Having a strong passion for another is important, but is not enough fuel to keep the bond running. With friendship, your relationship will remain, having that strength under all kinds of circumstances. There will be times when you as a couple are not living in your most passionate times. This is natural and does not mean there is no longer love or desire. As your relationship deepens, you will go through many experiences and stages that may put your romance aside for a while. This is where friendship comes in and why it is so important. You should be there for each other and understand your partner's situations and concerns.
A true friendship is basically the same as the true qualities that define real love. The difference is, we are in love and have a deep desire for our mates, with commitment and a goal of building a future, and perhaps making a family together.
These are only a few ways to explore real intimacy. How do you create a loving connection in your relationship?
1. Take your partner's breath away. Do something amazingly thoughtful and out of the ordinary and try to incorporate an element of surprise to it. You can do something special on a regular basis: make his favorite meal once a week, a loving note tucked into his pocket, a playlist made up with his favorite songs. These thoughtful acts will embed you in his memory.
2. See your partner for who he or she really is and be willing to learn from each other. When you realize that more often than not you don’t really know your partner, you begin to discover who they are and how they change and evolve. The key is to see the other as a mirror and learn from the reflection how you can be a better person. When you feel upset, rather than blame your partner and point fingers, remain awake to what has yet to be healed in yourself.
3. Look closely at why a fight may begin. Some couples create separateness by fighting and then making up over and over again. This allows you to continue the romantic trance, creating drama and avoiding real intimacy. If you become aware of what you fear about intimacy, you’ll have a better sense of why you’re fighting and likely will fight far less.
4. Accept who you are. True love only exists by loving yourself first. You can only get from another person what you’re willing to give yourself.
5. Expand your heart. One thing that unites us is that we all long to be happy. This happiness usually includes the desire to be close to someone in a loving way. To create real intimacy, get in touch with the spaciousness of your heart and bring awareness to what is good within you. It’s easier to recognize the good in your partner when you’re connected to the good in yourself.
6. Let go of expectations. You may look to things such as romance and constant togetherness to fill a void in yourself. This will immediately cause suffering. If you unconsciously expect to receive love in certain ways to avoid giving that love to yourself, you will put your sense of security in someone else. Draw upon your own inner-resources to offer love, attention, and nurturance to yourself when you need it. Then you can let love come to you instead of putting expectations on what it needs to look like.
7. Tell each other your main goal and see if you can find one way to support each other to reach it. It is clear that when we know someone has our back, we are more confidant and more adventurous. We achieve our goals more easily and are less derailed by disappointments.
8. Honor your connection. Maybe it's a special kind of kiss when you leave in the morning or a special 10-minute bonding time when you first come home. This is sacred time. No business agendas, problem solving or distractions in the form of small electric screens are allowed.
9. Be mindful of the fact that emotional injuries derail relationships. You can inflict great pain on your partner simply because you matter so much; you are the one he/she depends on. At a close moment, ask your lover if there are injuries that are unhealed, perhaps times when you missed their cues for support and connection. Try to help them with this hurt. It doesn’t just fade with time. Often just telling them that you can feel how they hurt and want to help them with it works wonders.
10. Learn what pleases your partner sexually. The best recipe for great sex is safe emotional connection and open communication. Make it clear that his pleasure is your pleasure, and you want to discover everything about what turns him on. He’ll be happy to have you experiment with him. Engaging in lots of eyes gazing, watching romantic movies together, holding hands and cuddling is a way to keep romance alive and is especially powerful when making love. Remember, criticism literally hurts and shuts down exploration and sexuality.
11. Invite your partner into more closeness once a day by playing a simple empathy game. Each person thinks of an event in their day. Then you take turns at reading each other’s face and trying to pinpoint whether you see one of the six basic emotions: joy, surprise, sadness, anger, embarrassment or some kind of fear. See if your guess is right. Learning to tune in matters!
12. Do something great for someone your partner loves. If you show kindness and love for someone he loves, you will earn major points. When you enter a relationship, you also enter a relationship with all his family and friends. Show him that the people who are important to him are important to you.
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfect. Love that lasts is the result of partners embedding themselves in each other’s brains in a positive way. You can create a fulfilling, safe-haven relationship, restoring the romantic love bond, beginning now.

Natural hair: Moisturizing and Sealing guide

One thing you need to know about natural hair is that the kinkier it is, the drier it will be in many cases. When your hair has more kinks, it’s harder for your scalp’s natural oils to travel down your strands.
Moisturizing and sealing are important parts of natural hair care as they help to keep your hair hydrated. Proper moisturizing and sealing will ensure that your hair retains moisture for as long as possible in order for the hair to survive and keep from breaking.
Natural hair needs moisture. Without it, our hair is dry, fragile and prone to breakage which is no 1 public enemy if we’re trying to retain natural hair growth. Moisture usually equals water. To moisturize your hair daily, use a product that is water-based (Water is the first ingredient). Stay clear of products that contain mineral oil, petrolatum, drying alcohols, paraffin and silicones. These ingredients can cause product buildup, which blocks moisture from getting into your strands. They can also defeat the purpose of moisturizing by drying your hair out.
There are 3 substances that will help to moisturize and seal your hair. These are water, oil and humectants.
Natural hair has more of sheen when healthy and properly moisturized. You just need moisture and the right steps. So let’s jump to it.
1. Know your hair porosity- porosity refers to how open your cuticles are on your hair shaft. If they are not open enough (low porosity), moisture can’t get in. if the cuticles are too open (high porosity), your hair can frizz and tangle easily. High porosity often comes from heat or chemical damage.
2. Spritz your hair with water or use light water-based product- water can be the best moisturizer on its own. You can also use a water-based moisturizer. Any product with water as the very first ingredient is considered to be water-based. Don’t be fooled by products that claim to moisturize your hair, but don’t even have water. Sealants contain oil/butters that seal in water (moisture). So if you twist your hair while it’s damp (water is your moisturizer) and apply a good sealant, that will keep your hair moisturized and soft for a long time.
3. Go sulfate free- use sulfate-free shampoo products to keep from stripping your hair. Sulfates are harsh detergents that rob your hair of its natural moisture.
4. Sleep with satin- sleep in a satin cap or use a satin pillow case to keep your hair from drying out at night. Cotton will soak all the oil out of your hair and can dry it out very quickly.
5. You can use the L.O.C [Liquid-oil-cream] method to moisturize and seal your hair. First, spray with a leave-in conditioner, and then apply carrier oil like extra virgin coconut oil, but concentrating mostly on the ends. Then finish with Shea butter,  Shea moisture conditioner or mango butter.
Let’s sum it up…
1. Moisturize your hair as often as you feel is needed. Everyone’s regimen will be different.
2. Kinkier hair often responds better to creamier/thicker moisturizers and sealants.
3. Constantly touching your hair will strip the moisture and oils right out of your hair.
4. Don’t forget to moisture your twists and braids. Your hair still needs moisture, if you don’t, you could suffer from more breakage when you take them down.
5. Using products that contain water and butter can moisturize and seal at the same time.

Happy New Year: Welcome to 2016

Looking back on the years gone by, as a new year starts and an old one ends, we contemplate what brought us joy, we think of our loved ones and our friends, remembering how they enriched our lives and recalling all the happy times spent together, we reflect upon who really counts. As the bright New Year arrives and I ponder on those who really count, I immediately think of you.  Thanks for being one of the reasons.
It is a new year; the past is gone with all its hurts and struggle. It’s a year to start something new, a year to live well, a year to grab new opportunities, a year to achieve greatness, a year to achieve success.
Keep in mind the past so as to gain from it pearls of wisdom as you make a fresh new beginning this New Year. Ignore worries. Avoid Tensions. Believe in your intentions. Have no fears. Love your Dear ones. After all, one learns from experiences.
Life is a progression of normal and unconstrained changes. Accept the reality. Let things stream actually forward in whatever way they like. Regardless of what each night fall steels from your life, may dawn give you another day to weave new hopes and dreams. May you rediscover yourself and emerge as a more confident and contented soul.
Happiness comes to those who know how to dispel the gloominess and go beyond the trivialities of life. Rise above petty issues and see the joys that surround you. Leave the sorrows, pain, and sadness behind and let’s welcome the brand New Year with a smile. Write it on your heart that every day is the best day of the year.
On this New Year I wish you a joyous January, a fabulous February, a mirthful March, an anxiety free April, a marvelous May, an unending Joy that keeps you going from June to August,  a superb September, an overwhelming October,  a November to remember and then round off with a dazzling December. May your days be as glittery as diamond, may your friends be as good as gold, may your heart stay as green as emerald, and may your soul remain as pure as pearl.
Celebrate this year with new hope, new resolutions and new creativity. Try to find the new way to live your life.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!